For the last 2 months, I have been taking on MY OWN PROJECTS solely. I have never been so happy in my life.
I don't say that to sound greedy or selfish, but I was just in a situation where I didn't realize how unhappy I was. You know how Oprah always talks about "The Authentic Self" or whatever that is, I never really knew I was missing my authentic self. I guess I just thought I was fine.
What I didn't realize was that I was giving myself away. I was being taken advantage of, but I was allowing it at the same time. And although money was an issue, it wasn't the only issue. I'm not suddenly rich now that I'm doing my own projects, but I am working towards it. But, pardon the bad cliche, my soul is full. It just really is. It's like I'm actually valuing myself for the first time in my life. People would always compliment me on my work, and I would never allow myself to believe them. NOT cool.
And those I was doing work for, I let go a bit. I still care, but I don't let it define me. I made some poor decisions this year, and some really unfortunate things were done to me. But, in a way (except for the downright mean words that were spoken of me behind my back) I am grateful. Because it FORCED me to make a change, to only do things if they are what I WANT to do and if there will be some benefit to me. Not saying I can't be charitable or kind, but only if I FEEL good about it.
I'm working on forgiving some things that have happened, and I recognize my own imperfection. I also recognize that others are imperfect and much of the time did not intend harm I do tend to hold on to things, but I also have to give them a chance to work their way out.
Now, if they want me, I come at a price that's worth it to me. Take me or leave me. And it feels good. I feel strong for the first time in my life. I get up every day eager to go to "work" - whether it's creating a blog for my husband's new business or working on a new costume for myself or working on music for an upcoming performance or marketing my businesses. I'm even doing a better job at keeping my house cleaner (still a lot of hurdles to overcome there) but I'm making progress. I wear makeup and do my hair (which I have changed to BLONDE and I LOVE IT!!!) and I actually have a positive outlook on life.
Earlier this year, I thought I there was seriously something wrong with me - maybe bi-polar or pmds or hormone issues - I even took one online quiz that said I had boderline personality disorder. Turns out, it was just stress and allowing other peoples issues to affect me far too much. It's funny, because I'm having some of the same symptoms physically as I go through my month, but the depression, anxiety and uncontrollable mood swings have all but disappeared. I don't feel like a freak anymore, wondering what's wrong with me!
So, if you made it through all of those confessions....you should be rewarded! With halloween photos!!
I love to make halloween costumes for my kids and my niece and nephew. Woody was a joint effort with me and my sister.
Buddy Boy as Leo from Little Einsteins, PrincessPrettyP as a Masquerade Dancer, Lollies as a Pirate and Mowgli as a Vampire Soceress. Yes, my girls are creative in costume and character.
Lollies, Mowglie, Cousin Ariel, Cousin Woody, BuddyBoy and PrincessPrettyP
I even had time to whip up this little beauty!
From Katie Perry's California Girlz video. I had only 3 days to do it, but it turned out pretty cool. Oh, not for me, for a client in NY.
Ok, enough for today. :) To quote Mondo (Project Runway) I feel better. I feel free!