I blog once a year....

...whether you read it or not!

Yep, it's that time - the DivaMommy's annual year in review. A look back on the events of the year. 

It's been a year with a lot of ups, a few downs as usual and a LOT of learning! I am truly blessed with wonderful experiences.

Ok...where to begin? How about at home.

Mama's Babies are Growing Up!

Seriously! Ryder was baptized in April - (and he turns 9 in just 4 days) and Lola will be baptized this year. I love to watch them grow and accomplish and learn and to see their wonderful personalities come out. There are lots of challenges and triumphs, but it's truly my family that brings me the most joy. 

Unfortunately I missed their 1st day of school this year because of a this years Bermuda show, but Grandma was nice enough to get photos on their first day of school this year.  Chloe started high school, Piper is in 7th grade, Ryder in 3rd and Lola in 2nd. 

Chloe's first high school dance.

Piper broke BOTH of her arms!

But it didn't stop her from performing in my Halloween show! Chloe and Piper were stars and I was so proud of them!

And Lola continues to be my sweet little girl - who happened to bring down the house nightly singing "Do You Want To Build a Snowman" in our fall Disney Revue.

There's less of Mama this year!

Yup, I finally lost that baby weight. Yup, my baby is 7. 

My weight is always up and down but I finally broke my plateau. I went from a size 12 to a size 6. It's really nice and it wasn't hard. Not having gluten as helped but I cut out a lot of sugar. Any gluten at all and more than just a little sugar makes me sick so it's an "easy" choice to make. But what really pushed me over the plateau is EFT. I've been doing it for a few years but never for weight loss. I literally "tapped" along with one session that mostly addressed the overwhelm of weight loss itself and that did the trick. I have to work harder in other areas, however. I am a big fan of EFT so I wanted to share it! The best place to get started is here: http://www.thetappingsolution.com/  There is a book on basic tapping and one on weight loss. There are videos and programs and I'm happy to help guide anyone to the proper resources!!

I do still have a baby bump, though. A 4 baby bump to be precise. I'm kinda proud of it. :-)

Performing recently with Jack Walker and Lou DeMeis. Photo by Ed Foster Photography

Mamma had a challenging theatre producing experience.

As you may recall, 2 years ago we went to Bermuda to produce Once On This Island. We brought the family, lived there for 2 months and it was a really great experience.

We were asked back again this year to produce Beauty and the Beast. It was the most challenging experience of my life so far. Unfortunately the company we were hired by wasn't prepared for the technical and financial challenges of such a show and even more unfortunately, they often chose to be less than forthcoming about their shortcomings, creating more challenges for us and extreme stress and strain on every level of the production. While I don't believe any of it was out of malice, lack of communication and dishonesty will sabotage even the best intentions. Oh, and it rained almost the whole time we were there!

It was a blessing that the cast was truly responsive and appreciative and brought us much joy and that we learned that 65% of our desired production level was still really darned good. And I got to create some truly gorgeous costumes, grew closer to my husband and some really good friends. It was definitely and adventure and a learning experience!

It was a good year for gettin' Mamma's sang on!

I had a varied and diverse performance opportunities this year. 

Steve and I opened the year singing together as hosts at Sam's Town Live's weekly variety show, produced by Ed Matthews.  We invited our good friend Taylor Eliason to sing with us, Lola sang a little "Snow Man" and the Davis' brothers treated us!

I got back onstage in a musical as The Lady of the Lake in Monty Python's Spamalot - which was another learning experience. Never costume a show when you're the lead, ok? I really should have learned this by now.

Here's one of my favorite numbers from the show. DramaDad was also in the show - he played Sir Lancelot which once again meant we had literally no on-stage interaction, though his character was the catalyst for my character's best joke. It was a fun, silly show where I got to sing my guts out and wear pretty costumes - who could ask for more?

We produced a really wonderful and amazing Disney Revue for our church. It was an incredible cast and we had way too much fun. I hope to have video highlights of it soon.

I created and performed in a Halloween show for Las Vegas' Springs Preserve again this year. It was again, a LOT of fun!! This year we had Diva Monsters!

And GHOSTLIGHT - my country singing group, had a great year!

We did some red Carpets and performed at Vinyl at the Hard Rock Hotel for Mondays Dark - a really great charity event!

We added musicians so we can now perform as a band...and we had an awesome photo shoot.

Check out our band promo!




I truly love these guys - 2015 is going to be our year!

Mamma made pretty things!

Just a few of my costuming adventures this year!

Belle's Ball Gown

The Bouche (Wardrobe) from Beauty and the Beast

Self Explanatory

Katy Perry Inspired

BBR's ALICE

Another Katy Perry Inspired costume - for a Burlesque STAR!

And, of course, Mamma made time for Disneyland!

My first trip was in early January to actually audition for a role in Disneyland. It was a great experience and my first time in Disneyland solo...which is why there are no photos.

We knew we would be traveling to LA a lot this year for fabric shopping, so we took the plunge and purchased annual passes to Disneyland. So I was there for my birthday!

And we even ran into our GHOSTLIGHT bandmates in the Fall!

 As well as this unsavory character...

And in November, we took a family trip with some of DramaDad's extended family. It was a LOT of fun! We had a blast and Lola FINALLY got to meet Anna and Elsa.

So looking back, it was in fact a pretty great year. Looking forward, I have lots of great things coming up, surrounded by a family I love more than anything in the world.

Much love!!!

The DivaMommy

Dear Bermuda

Dear Bermuda,

I'm writing this to sum up my experience. Sure, I've been home for almost 3 weeks, but you will stay with me always. And I sincerely hope this won't be our last encounter...I have a good feeling that it won't be.

I loved my time in Bermuda. Mostly. There were some hard times, but they were just annoyances. Well, except that weekend I was really sick, that stunk, but I had the foresight to bring the right medicine with me and all was well.

I loved just being there. The sticky warm air that stuck to my skin. The incredible blue of the ocean. Or on rainy days when it turned silver reflecting the clouds. The sound of my children playing outside - something they don't get to do in Las Vegas in the summer. The smile of the market place manager every time I went in, which was far too often! Comparing the sand of the different beaches we visited. Seeing fish and other underwater creatures in their own element. SO much better than a zoo or aquarium. The chorus of frogs that greeted us at sundown every evening. I don't know how, but they helped me sleep and I miss their sound!

The motion sickness inducing car rides on roads so narrow and windy you had to remind yourself that your driver had lived there all their lives, this is what they are used to...you will be safe! Just don't stick your hand out the window...you are really that close to another car. Relying on our own two feet to get us wherever we needed to go - the store and the beach mostly, the places we went with frequency. And when we needed to go further and we didn't want to pester our local "chauffeurs", our feet carried us to the bus stops, which were an experience unto themselves.

What a lesson in appreciating the conveniences of life. There was no McDonalds down the street if I was too tired to cook. It drove me nearly insane to have to cook every meal every day.  Seriously. Fixing a toilet required a special trip to the hardware store. Out of milk? It's a 15 minute walk to the store each way. Nothing nearby is open 24 hours. A cell phone. I guess I could have bought an international plan, but I didn't need it. It was liberating to be free. My phone was my camera and clock. No checking facebook every 10 minutes or listening for the ding of a text or email.

Our beautiful neighbor, Miss Sheryl, who took our children under her wing, sharing snacks and toys and conversation with our kids. Her two adorable twin grandsons. Her offer to take us to Bermuda's best beach and a treat of Snowballs on the way home. The last night we were there, she came to our door with a gift. To thank us when it was we who should have been thanking her. And we did, with pictures dedicated to Miss Sheryl and delivered just before we left.

The show. The cast. The people. To see them learn and grow and fight for excellence. And ending up with a show that moved me to tears nightly and was widely recognized for the beautiful show that it was. To see the cast and crew and recognize that look on their faces - that they have that feeling that only comes from being a part of something bigger than yourself. The feeling that I have only felt onstage, in a community of people existing in an energy that you will feel no where else. To know that I was even a small part of helping them arrive at that level of emotion, well, it's humbling.

Seldon and Shoa, our fearless leaders. Such courage to take on something of this magnitude and to accept nothing less than the full scale show they envisioned. To provide the youth in their program with such support and to give so freely of themselves. They are the true embodiment of the Bermudian spirit. For the lovely words they shared on closing night, for recognizing that Steve and I are truly a team. My heart was filled. But again, I should be thanking you. And I am. From the bottom of my heart.

But, Bermuda, what you gave me that I treasure the most is time. The first week there I was in a stupor! Without a million things to do and places to be, I didn't know what to do. When was the last time my biggest concern in life was what to cook and what time to go to the beach to catch the tide when it's not too low or too high? Once it settled in, oh how wonderful it felt! I had the time to step back and examine my life. To actually make goals for the future. To read books that would inspire new ideas and remind me of old ones. To make a dozen lists about a dozen different things! To be quiet enough to hear my inner whispers - the ones that get lost when life is to busy. To remember and discover who I am and what I want.

Time to have hours of conversation with my husband. Having a good, intense conversation with my husband is just about my favorite thing. Time for game after game of Taboo and checkers. To see Lola and Ryder grasp the concept of the game and actually start to get good! Birthday celebrations with gifts from the Dollar Store and birthday girls who never suspected. A lesson learned about gifts, that's for sure. Time for me and time for my kids and a little (but not enough) time for me and my husband. I came home with a new outlook on and valuation of time. I feel like a whole new person. I am in control of my time and I choose how to spend it. And while real life demands more of me, I know how to control it now. I know to cherish it.

Bermuda, my friend, the 8 weeks we spent together will stay with me always. I am inspired to seek out new adventures and experiences. Thank you for showing me the way and being so welcoming on my first one.

Love always,
Sandra

Let's be friends!

I confess that I haven't been in much of a writing mood lately. Just been really sick with sick kids and it's kinda done me in mentally as well. I feel like I'm finally coming out of it so I was excited when I woke up this morning....bright and early on a Sunday even, with thoughts that just need to be written down!

But yes, the kids all made it back in school successfully - Chloe even decided to go back to regular school and she's loving it.

So anyway...friends!

In my new found child-free time during the day, I have been able to get out of the house and have some coffee/lunch dates. YAY! During one of my conversations this past week, one of the things we discussed sparked my thoughts and I've been really examining myself as a friend. The friend I was talking to mentioned that she has a hard time making new friends because she's very shy in a new environment. But she also mentioned and I have observed about her that she truly values the friendships that she has and they are very important to her. She seems to nurture her friendships and put a lot of effort into them.  That is what got me thinking.

What kind of a friend am I? I have a lot of friends but very few "close" friends. I will say that my husband is definitely my best friend - I really love the conversations we have together. I really feel like we learn a lot from each other and grow together because of each other. I'm very grateful for the relationship we have. 

I have lots of theatre friends - "show friends" if you will. People who I have good relationships with truly care about, but don't have much interaction with outside of theatre related events. I keep up with them on facebook and am always happy to see them when I'm out, but I don't necessarily plan to see them. And I am fine with that - I am in a very different place than most of my show friends. Many of them are younger and few have families. I do cherish these relationships and look forward to the time I have with show friends!

But close friends - I have very few. Again, this is fine! I'm not a huge social butterfly and with my family and life, there's no need for that. I do have a group of "show friends" I feel closer to and make time to hang out with. And I have about a handful of friends who I consider close friends, who I can talk to and what not. Of course, my sister is one of those people. We are sisters but we are also friends. 

There are some friends that I wish I had closer relationships with, but I'm just now realizing that I need to put more effort into it. As my shy friend told me that she has a hard time making new friends, I realized that I can talk to anyone - I'm good at that initial conversation. It's the followup that I stink at. The introduction is easy, it's the followup when my insecurities fall in. I start to think - why would this person want to be my friend? what if they thought I was annoying? Did I talk about myself too much? Can I trust them? It's from here that my friendships end up growing slowly. I don't think that's a bad thing, but I definitely realize that I need to put more effort out there. I remember myself as a teenager, always feeling sorry for myself when I walked into a room of girls my age and no one asked me to sit by them. I remember expressing that feeling to a church leader who said - why didn't you ask anyone to sit by you? Maybe those other girls were feeling the same way.

I didn't want to believe her - it's always easier to feel sorry for ones self than take responsibility, right? It wasn't until YEARS later when I was talking to a girl I considered to be "popular" in our teenage years that she told me she had the exact same feeling of loneliness and not being accepted by the group as I did that I realized I shouldn't be so hard on myself!

So I guess this is my rather round about way of saying that I am going to be a better friend. To reach out to those I care about and be more supportive and initiate more opportunities to spend time together. I do care deeply about my friends and just need to get over myself a little more. Easier said than done, I know! And to be selective to surround myself with friends who will also be supportive of me and build me up as I do the same for them. 

Here's hoping I can continue the writers bug...I have much to share and new projects in the works...YAY!

How did we get here..my personal reflection!

I recently wrote this blog post on our new company blog. It's the story of how we arrived at this incredible opportunity.  Read about it here!

I would like to just expand on it a bit, in a more personal way.

I need to go back in time a bit. I'm not sharing this to seek sympathy - it's part of my path and I have accepted it and have come a long way in learning how to find experiences that will be fulfilling to me in the context of the life that I lead and the responsibilities that I own.

For years when my husbands theatrical experiences were outnumbering mine 5 to 1, I was depressed and unhappy. I felt like I was stuck at home, barefoot and pregnant and alone. In many ways, I was. Steve would work all day and rehearse all night, probably 9 months or more out of a year. We had one car so I literally was stuck at home most of the time. It was hard. Mostly I was just feeling like life was passing me by and while I love my children and chose to make the sacrifices to do what I needed to do as a mother and be there for them, there wasn't much out there filling my cup. I was drained. Even now as I remember and write about it, I'm at the verge of tears and I have a stomach ache!

 I don't want to make it sound like during that time (about a 10 year period...pretty much my 20's) that I didn't do anything and my husband did everything. In the first few years, I was fortunate to play several wonderful roles and I don't discredit those opportunities. It was really once my husband started directing shows - in 2006 that it got really hard for me to do anything. From 2005 to 2010 I only performed  in 3 productions while he directed 7 productions and performed in 7.  Because his schedule was already planned, I couldn't audition for his shows or any others that would overlap because someone needed to be home with the kids, my skills got a bit rusty and my confidence plummeted after several poor audition experiences. Literally, his success was in many ways limiting my opportunities. Not in any way his fault or intended to be that way, just the logistics and timing of it all...and the fact that he's a guy - more in demand....and lack of a live-in nanny.

While it was a constant source of contention between my husband and I, I never asked him to stop. I never asked him to quit. There were a few shows he passed up - he made sacrifices, too, but not on the level I had. I know now that at the time I didn't embrace the concept that my children wouldn't be tiny forever and there would be more opportunities sooner than I thought. I'm also the type of person who far too often chooses to wallow in self sorrow. I am in a much better place now, seeking out and finding more opportunities to perform and finding joy in offstage production as well as working with my husband.

As I look back, I am proud of myself  for continuing to be supportive of my husband. I'm not saying it was lollipops and roses - it definitely wasn't! Harsh words and solitary tears were shared on occasion and maybe  a little more than that. There was tension! But the excitements, the successes, the learning experiences far outweighed the difficulties. It was a time of refining and growing for both of us.

Through these difficult times and in reference to the a-typical lifestyle we need, we are often asked why do we do it? Why have we sacrificed thousands of hours over our 13 years of marriage (and 12 years of parenthood), usually at our own personal cost to do theatre? Why put so much into it? Many of our family members have questioned the same, and I can't blame them. It seems a bit extreme. My husband, however, is completely driven by his creativity and his pursuit of excellence. He is fully committed to whatever project he dives into. That's just how he operates and he has inspired me in that way. And I'm thrilled beyond words that he has the opportunity to live his dreams and that we, together, are in a place where we can embark on wonderful new adventures.

Everytime an actor grows on stage. A set comes together. That last costume piece is finished. To hear an audience laugh the first time. To watch a video of a production years later and be moved to tears by it's beauty. That's why we do it.

Bermuda - this is the icing! This is opportunity meeting preparation.

To be recognized for our hard work and talents by TROIKA Bermuda to the extent that they would hire Steve to come direct the show and design the set, rent our costumes and props and arrange for housing for our entire family is one of those rewards life occasionally tosses your way. It's for all those nights I sat at home alone with 2,3 and 4 small children for weeks and months on end. It's for going to opening night and being so proud of what my husband was able to accomplish but the tears I shed because I would have loved to have been onstage. I never imagined that such good would come. I had learned to be content knowing that my husband was living the life he was meant to lead and not going slowly insane doing work that didn't take advantage of his creative talents. This is icing! And I'm still incredibly, incredibly grateful.

We don't have expansive goals other than to keep supporting our family through the arts and producing and contributing to great theatre.* And these experiences are just the start. There will be more to come! I truly believe that because I also strongly believe we do this for the right reason. For the love of it - because it is what drives us. And if something is worth doing, it's worth doing well. So we'll continue to put our heart and soul and energy into production after production and whatever other opportunities come along.

That's how we got here. And that's how we'll keep going.

*I also really want to sing in a rock band, but somehow it didn't work in that sentence. 

Doin' it for ME!

2 months ago, Damn Yankees closed. It was the last in a long line of productions that I worked on. (See previous post!)

For the last 2 months, I have been taking on MY OWN PROJECTS solely. I have never been so happy in my life.

I don't say that to sound greedy or selfish, but I was just in a situation where I didn't realize how unhappy I was. You know how Oprah always talks about "The Authentic Self" or whatever that is, I never really knew I was missing my authentic self. I guess I just thought I was fine.

What I didn't realize was that I was giving myself away. I was being taken advantage of, but I was allowing it at the same time. And although money was an issue, it wasn't the only issue. I'm not suddenly rich now that I'm doing my own projects, but I am working towards it. But, pardon the bad cliche, my soul is full. It just really is. It's like I'm actually valuing myself for the first time in my life. People would always compliment me on my work, and I would never allow myself to believe them. NOT cool.

And those I was doing work for, I let go a bit. I still care, but I don't let it define me. I made some poor decisions this year, and some really unfortunate things were done to me. But, in a way (except for the downright mean words that were spoken of me behind my back) I am grateful. Because it FORCED me to make a change, to only do things if they are what I WANT to do and if there will be some benefit to me. Not saying I can't be charitable or kind, but only if I FEEL good about it.

I'm working on forgiving some things that have happened, and I recognize my own imperfection. I also recognize that others are imperfect and much of the time did not intend harm I do tend to hold on to things, but I also have to give them a chance to work their way out.

Now, if they want me, I come at a price that's worth it to me. Take me or leave me. And it feels good. I feel strong for the first time in my life. I get up every day eager to go to "work" - whether it's creating a blog for my husband's new business or working on a new costume for myself or working on music for an upcoming performance or marketing my businesses. I'm even doing a better job at keeping my house cleaner (still a lot of hurdles to overcome there) but I'm making progress. I wear makeup and do my hair (which I have changed to BLONDE and I LOVE IT!!!) and I actually have a positive outlook on life.

Earlier this year, I thought I there was seriously something wrong with me - maybe bi-polar or pmds or hormone issues - I even took one online quiz that said I had boderline personality disorder. Turns out, it was just stress and allowing other peoples issues to affect me far too much. It's funny, because I'm having some of the same symptoms physically as I go through my month, but the depression, anxiety and uncontrollable mood swings have all but disappeared. I don't feel like a freak anymore, wondering what's wrong with me!

So, if you made it through all of those confessions....you should be rewarded! With halloween photos!!
I love to make halloween costumes for my kids and my niece and nephew. Woody was a joint effort with me and my sister.

Buddy Boy as Leo from Little Einsteins, PrincessPrettyP as a Masquerade Dancer, Lollies as a Pirate and Mowgli as a Vampire Soceress. Yes, my girls are creative in costume and character.

Lollies, Mowglie, Cousin Ariel, Cousin Woody, BuddyBoy and PrincessPrettyP 

I even had time to whip up this little beauty!

From Katie Perry's California Girlz video. I had only 3 days to do it, but it turned out pretty cool. Oh, not for me, for a client in NY.

Ok, enough for today. :) To quote Mondo (Project Runway) I feel better. I feel free!